Day 64: Much Thanks

I'm not a kind person. I'm mostly selfish. When that scientist said that 95% of our time is spent thinking about ourselves, he was thinking about me. Or I was thinking that he was thinking about me, because almost everything thought that pushes through my brain is about myself. Am I hungry? Do I have enough money? Should I go back to school? Even now, I'm writing, but somewhere in the back of my head I'm shuffling through the cupboards and debating whether it's worth it to make a whole pot of coffee just for me.

And in the middle of my self-centered living, a colleague that I barely know tells me I am kind. That I am good. That I'm a blessing. I know I'm not these things, after all, I live inside my head. I know all about motivations and self-centered desires. But she says these words to me in a casual way, like she's stating the obvious. And It makes me want to be good. It makes me want to be kind. I wander through the rest of my afternoon trying to figure out way to be what she's said I already am.

There's an ad on TV tonight; a car commercial- a hybrid. It's very green; everyone is planting trees and kindergartners are recycling and it's all so acted with swirly music and earth love. But the idea is that people can make a difference, and I like that. I'm certainly not going to go out and buy a hybrid, but my mind is caught on this idea. That people really can make a difference. That love can make a difference. Through these 100 Days of Love, so many of you have sent encouraging e-mails and messages. They are good things and they make the swirly music in my head play louder. I want to say thank you.

And now I'm off to make that pot of coffee.