Day 48: Poor Credit

I have poor credit. Mostly due, it turns out, to youthful stupidity and poor decision making during my college years. Six years ago, I worked at Macy's. New to the world of retail, I soon learned that I could open charge accounts with nearly every major department store in the mall. With little more than a license and a payment of five dollars a month, I could buy hundreds of dollars worth of clothes that didn't fit me, outfits I would never wear. I opened five accounts in one weekend. I made minimum payments, usually late. And then I stopped paying altogether. Twenty one years old and I had little idea how far-reaching the effects would be. The accounts have been paid for years, but the consequences still last. Seven years, or so they say. I hate being defined by my mistakes. It makes me crazy- these black marks that define my value. I want to protest- say, this isn't who I am. Look closer. We're good people. I was just a kid, I didn't have a clue. But how do you argue with a number? And you can't challenge the truth, even if it was years ago.

With credit on my mind, I wonder, what would a marriage score look like? If we, the creditors, could score our partners, the consumers, what would we say? How long would we penalize them for forgetting our birthday? How much credit would we offer for their support during a particularly difficult week at work? I want to be a generous creditor of a wife. I want to forget the missed payments of compliments he never said. I want to dismiss the bad payments- the comments he made without thinking. I want to focus on the accounts in good standing. The coffee that is waiting for me when I wake up. The way he feeds and walks the dog each day, never asking me to take a turn. I don't want a marriage that is characterized by a trail of mistakes that linger for years, even after we've made good on old debts. I want a marriage that sees today as a new day. A perfect score.

Now, if only I could find a mortgage lender who agreed.