Day 28: The Dull Days

Somedays it just doesn't feel that special. Days like today. There's no need to analyze why, I know that today we're not trying to make it special. I know this. I'm keeping my hands on my own lap. The dog is chewing on what used to be a tennis ball and Rich is flipping through a cataloug full of things we can't afford. Somedays it just feels like a lot of nothing. I'm still in my coat and my nose is cold. It doesn't feel poetic, it just feels annoying. His shoes are on the couch and I want to snap at him or shove them off. I just glance at them multiple times thinking maybe he'll get the hint. He doesn't.

This afternoon I saw a young couple who were so obviously in love. They were arguing about who was going to pay for lattes- the kind of fighting that is made with smiles and playful jabs. He grabs her credit card and holds it above his head where she can't reach it, while he pays for the drinks. She is jumping at it, but then gives up and wraps her arms around him- but not before sending a quick jab to his shoulder. They hold on to each other and wait for their drinks. The people around me roll their eyes and wish the couple to move along, but I wish they would stay for a minute. I watch them and I wonder how long they've been together. Do they know that they're in love? And how long will it be before their debit cards becomes one and noone cares who slides the card because it's all the same anyway? Maybe that's a good thing. I mean, what girls wants to spend the rest of her life jumping for her debit card?

He asks if I want a glass of wine, I just shrug. I don't really care. I want to want a glass of wine. Or maybe I want a glass of wine to be more than just a fruity drink. I want it to be romance and low lighting and whispers. Bubbles and heady feelings. But in the end, wine is just old fruit, so I settle for a glass of soy milk and change into my pajamas. Is true love really this dull?

I think of a couple we once knew, on another coast. Married for 45 years, they were incredible. She'd say things like "Let's all pray for Ed to lose some weight, 'cuz these are the last pair of pants that fit him!" He would fall asleep in the middle of her sentences- an open mouth kind of sleep that can't be so easily ignored. I love these people and I wonder how many dull days they've had. How many dull days does it take to make a marraige work? When you're in it for life, do you jump around to find the romance, or is it better to just fall asleep?

I don't know, but maybe tonight I will have that wine.